Pam Ayres, creator of The Puppy poem

THE PUPPY – Poem by Pam Ayres

I heard Pam recite part of this on the BBC’s One Show and thought it was very funny and needed to be shared with all of my good readers….enjoy!

I bought myself a puppy
And I hoped in time he might
Become my friend and ward off
Things that go bump in the night

So I put him in a shoe box
And at home I took him out
And then began to learn
What owning puppies is about.

I tried so hard to love him
And I didn’t rave or shout
As he bit into the sofa
And he dragged the stuffing out

I gave him things to chew
But soon I couldn’t fail to see
That he liked the things he found
More than the things supplied by me.

He frayed my lovely carpet
That I’d saved my pennies for
And when he wasn’t chewing
He was weeing on the floor,

Nor did he spare the table leg
That came in for a gnaw
Though I told him off the message
Never seemed to reach his jaw.

We laboured at the gardening,
Me and my little pup
At two I planted flowers
And at four he dug them up

He liked to dig, he’d bury bones
And pat it down so neat
And then he’d rush indoors
As clods of mud flew off his feet.

I bought a book on training
And I read it all one night
And when we set off out
I really thought we’d got it right

With titbits in my coat
To give him once he got the knack
But he didn’t, so I couldn’t
So I ate them coming back.

When I commanded `Heel!’
He never seemed to take the point
But galloped on half-strangled
Tugging my arm out of joint

He jumped up people’s clothes,
The cleaning bills I had to pay!
And when I shouted `Here!’
He turned and ran the other way.

One day I drove him over
And I gave him to my Dad
Who welcomed him and trained him
But it left me very sad

So I thought I’d let you know
In case a pup’s in store for you
That it’s very wise indeed
To have a Dad who likes dogs too