THE PUPPY - Poem by Pam Ayres I heard Pam recite part of this on the BBC's One Show and thought it was very funny and needed to be shared with all of my good readers....enjoy! I bought myself a puppy And I hoped in time he might Become my friend and ward off Things that go bump in the night So I put him in a shoe box And at home I took him out And then began to learn What owning puppies is about. I tried so hard to love him And I didn't rave or shout As he bit into the sofa And he dragged the stuffing out I gave him things to chew But soon I couldn't fail to see That he liked the things he found More than the things supplied by me. He frayed my lovely carpet That I'd saved my pennies for And when he wasn't chewing He was weeing on the floor, Nor did he spare the table leg That came in for a gnaw Though I told him off the message Never seemed to reach his jaw. We laboured at the gardening, Me and my little pup At two I planted flowers And at four he dug them up He liked to dig, he'd bury bones And pat it down so neat And then he'd rush indoors As clods of mud flew off his feet. I bought a book on training And I read it all one night And when we set off out I really thought we'd got it right With titbits in my coat To give him once he got the knack But he didn't, so I couldn't So I ate them coming back. When I commanded `Heel!' He never seemed to take the point But galloped on half-strangled Tugging my arm out of joint He jumped up people's clothes, The cleaning bills I had to pay! And when I shouted `Here!' He turned and ran the other way. One day I drove him over And I gave him to my Dad Who welcomed him and trained him But it left me very sad So I thought I'd let you know In case a pup's in store for you That it's very wise indeed To have a Dad who likes dogs too